Hurt Feelings. They're like noses. We all have them. They come in all shapes and sizes. They can come suddenly like a cloud and bring the rain or build up slowly and then consume us like a tornado. They can be so powerful that they can make us lose complete perspective of our reality. You overhear your colleagues are having a get together at the end of the day, but you haven't been invited. You feel excluded. Hurt feelings show up. You find out that someone you thought was a good friend has been talking about you behind your back. You feel betrayed. Hurt feelings show up. You're having dinner with your girlfriend, and she says she wants more space and wants to date other men. Clunk. Couldn't she at least have waited 'til after dessert? You leave dinner feeling hurt and abandoned.
Wouldn't life be so much easier without hurt feelings? Well, maybe. But I believe that hurt feelings can also provide a powerful opportunity for self-awareness and healing. If outer reality is a reflection of inner reality, then when hurt feelings show up, we can take the opportunity to ask ourselves what has been suppressed and unexpressed. If in my outer world there is something that produces hurt and pain, then there must be something inside me that is still unresolved. The question then becomes what to do with hurt feelings when they show up, and what can we learn from them. The theme of this blog series and of my new book is how to use everything that life puts on our path as a way to unbind our hearts. Hurt feelings can then serve as a tunnel, through which we can come to the other side to the freedom of our heart.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
How Grief Can Break Your Heart from Time
Grief is a powerful emotion, and the latest research shows just how damaging it can be, especially for the heart.
The sobering results, appearing in the journal Circulation, are the first to compare how grief affects an individual’s heart-disease risk within a period of time. Previous studies have documented that people losing loved ones tend to have more heart problems than those who aren’t bereaved. In the current analysis, lead author Elizabeth Mostofsky and her colleagues took a unique approach by calculating an individual’s “average loss” of loved ones over a year, by asking how many people study participants had lost in the past year and comparing that figure to the number of loved ones that same person lost during the study period in question, which included the most recent day and week preceding a heart attack. Because all the participants were heart-attack patients, that allowed her to calculate the effect that losing a loved one had on each individual’s heart-attack risk.
The sobering results, appearing in the journal Circulation, are the first to compare how grief affects an individual’s heart-disease risk within a period of time. Previous studies have documented that people losing loved ones tend to have more heart problems than those who aren’t bereaved. In the current analysis, lead author Elizabeth Mostofsky and her colleagues took a unique approach by calculating an individual’s “average loss” of loved ones over a year, by asking how many people study participants had lost in the past year and comparing that figure to the number of loved ones that same person lost during the study period in question, which included the most recent day and week preceding a heart attack. Because all the participants were heart-attack patients, that allowed her to calculate the effect that losing a loved one had on each individual’s heart-attack risk.
Monday, January 9, 2012
A Dog's Gentle Death from Huffington Post
Our family will always remember this holiday season as the time Sugar died. Sugar was a mixed breed, mostly lab/border-collie type. She exhibited the best character traits of every gene she carried and seemed to bear none of any breed's drawbacks. She was a real credit to her species.
A member of my daughter's household, Sugar was one of my "grand dogs," for whom it was my privilege to dog-sit if her parents went somewhere she was not welcome. Those unwelcome places were few and far between because Sugar met love and enthusiasm everywhere she went. Friends would vie for the chance to keep her when her parents left town. But, I'm proud to say, my daughter believed I was her favorite sitter, so I always got first dibs on her company.
A member of my daughter's household, Sugar was one of my "grand dogs," for whom it was my privilege to dog-sit if her parents went somewhere she was not welcome. Those unwelcome places were few and far between because Sugar met love and enthusiasm everywhere she went. Friends would vie for the chance to keep her when her parents left town. But, I'm proud to say, my daughter believed I was her favorite sitter, so I always got first dibs on her company.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Depression and Complementary Health Practices from NCCAM
Depression is a medical condition that affects nearly 21 million American adults each year, according to the National Institute of Mental Health. Mood, thoughts, physical health, and behavior all may be affected. Among the common symptoms of depression are persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" feelings; feelings of hopelessness, guilt, and/or worthlessness; restlessness or irritability; fatigue; difficulty concentrating; insomnia; overeating, or loss of appetite; and/or thoughts of suicide.
Many people with a depressive illness never seek treatment. But the majority, even those with the most severe depression, can get better with treatment. Depression can be treated effectively with conventional medicine, including antidepressants and certain types of psychotherapy.
Many people with a depressive illness never seek treatment. But the majority, even those with the most severe depression, can get better with treatment. Depression can be treated effectively with conventional medicine, including antidepressants and certain types of psychotherapy.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
A New Year, a New Yesterday from Nurse Together
Yesterday was what it was. Or was it?
If your memory is like mine, I can’t remember where I parked my car an hour ago. How can I possibly think that my memories from a year ago - or a decade ago - are accurate?
Next question: How much weight do memories of past events color your present relationships and viewpoints?
I don’t know about you, but as I thought about that for myself, something inside me went... flooop.
If your memory is like mine, I can’t remember where I parked my car an hour ago. How can I possibly think that my memories from a year ago - or a decade ago - are accurate?
Next question: How much weight do memories of past events color your present relationships and viewpoints?
I don’t know about you, but as I thought about that for myself, something inside me went... flooop.
The Will and Ways of Hope from Huffington Post
Talent, skill, ability -- whatever you want to call it -- will not get you there. Sure, it helps. But a wealth of psychological research over the past few decades show loud and clear that it's the psychological vehicles that really get you there. You can have the best engine in the world, but if you can't be bothered to drive it, you won't get anywhere.
Psychologists have proposed lots of different vehicles over the years: grit, conscientiousness, self-efficacy, optimism, passion, inspiration, etc. They are all important. One vehicle, however, is -- I believe -- particularly undervalued and under-appreciated in psychology and society. That's hope.
Psychologists have proposed lots of different vehicles over the years: grit, conscientiousness, self-efficacy, optimism, passion, inspiration, etc. They are all important. One vehicle, however, is -- I believe -- particularly undervalued and under-appreciated in psychology and society. That's hope.
Got The Post-Holiday Blues? Here's How To Beat 'Em from Huffington Post
Wait ... hear that? That's our collective sigh marking the fact that the great holiday season of 2011 has finally come to a close.
And while for many of us, that is indeed a relief -- there's no more cooking, no more cleaning, no more forced New Year's revelry -- the post-holiday period can represent a real time of sadness and readjustment, too.
Each of us has our own personal blend of apres-holidays feelings, but there are many issues and emotions that crop up again, and again and again. So we went to a team of experts to ask for some advice on what you can do -- right now -- to help beat those post-holiday blues.
And while for many of us, that is indeed a relief -- there's no more cooking, no more cleaning, no more forced New Year's revelry -- the post-holiday period can represent a real time of sadness and readjustment, too.
Each of us has our own personal blend of apres-holidays feelings, but there are many issues and emotions that crop up again, and again and again. So we went to a team of experts to ask for some advice on what you can do -- right now -- to help beat those post-holiday blues.
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